Bleeding Dashami, A Confession 

I was 11 when I menstruated for the first time. I was not allowed to stay at my home. I was taken to my relative's place with all my clothes, mattress, quilt and other necessities that I would require for 11 days. I was not permitted to go any other rooms of the house, look directly at the sun and look at any men. I was having winter vacation at that time so I did not miss my school, if I did not have holidays I would have missed my school too.

My mattress was placed in the corner of a room that was full of furniture. I was not allowed to cross the small area and touch any of the items there.  The washroom that I had to use was downstairs and I could use it either in the early mornings when no one was awake or after everyone was asleep. You might be wondering what I did in between. Well, there was a pot placed in the corner of the room.

I was not easy for me to stay there for 11 long days. There would be visitors during daytime that brought me food and gave me company. But at nights I felt quite lonely. The only entertainment I had at that time was a radio. No TV, no mobile, no laptop, only a radio. When I asked why is it that I had to follow all these rules, the only answer I received was this is how it has been since ages, it is a tradition to be followed. Some ladies also said that I was lucky that now the situation is better for me, for I was not kept in the cold outside in a goth, a cowshed or makeshift hut.

In Western part of Nepal Chaupadi, the system of keeping menstruating women and girls outside of their homes is still prevalent. According to a government study around 74 per cent of women were compelled to practice Chhaupadi in Jumla. Women lose their lives in these open huts due to snakebites, cold and animal attacks.

A law to abolish Chaupadi pratha was introduced in 2005. Recently, the Criminal Code Bill passed by the Parliament criminalises the ancient practice. The new law stipulates a three-month jail sentence or Rs 3,000 fine, or both, for anyone forcing a woman to follow the custom according to a news report.

However the law do not seem to be implemented even after more than a decade of its introduction. This still this tradition is alive in our society not only in the rural Nepal but also in city areas among educated population. The severity of the tradition might be low in most urban parts of Nepal but it is still followed in many households.

This is the second year I will not be receiving tika and blessings from elders on the auspicious occasion of Bijaya Dashami because I am menstruating. Yesterday on the day of Navami we were at my uncle's home for Dashain get-together. My aunt called me to put tika as she did not know that I was in my period at that time. But it was me who hesitated and took a step backward and told her that I am on my period. After over years of conditioning and following the tradition I myself did not feel like putting tika. Even though I am against it, a part of me did not allow myself to take a step forward and receive tika at that moment. I am aware that menstruation is a natural process and not a taboo but still I did not want to go ahead and change. I realised that we ourselves think that we are not touchable when we are in our periods. Any tradition that is related with socio-cultural beliefs takes a lot of time sometimes even generations to change.

After a lot of confusions and dilemma I decided that it was okay to receive tika during periods if I wished to. But receiving tika requires two parties. The other party should also be willing to give blessings and support. Today on the day of Dashami, I requested my parents to put tika even though it was my second day of menstruation. I knew they would not agree but still I wanted to know what they would say. They straight away denied it. My mother told me, "Oh so you want to take photos and share it on your facebook so that you can show off that you broke our age-old tradition?" I did not want any further discussions because I did not want to hurt her feelings on this special day. I did not feel like ruining anyone's festive mood.

Even though I did not celebrate the festival this year, I made a progress. First I faced my own doubts and then I also voiced my opinion to my parents. I am sure by next time I will raise my voice even more strongly. If my sister is having her period during festivals and if she desires to still celebrate it, I will support her. I do not want her or any other women to suffer from isolation or humiliation for going through a natural cycle, for being a woman.