Capable Women leaders, need of the hour

Abhilasha Rayamajhi 

In 2015 I conceptualised and hosted a radio talk show Youth in Entrepreneurship where I interviewed young entrepreneurs. While we researched to prepare the guest list, we struggled to find women entrepreneurs for the interview. Some women entrepreneurs who were actively working hesitated to give an interview mainly due to lack of confidence. On the other hand, I received requests from men to be featured on the show and they just had business ideas. 

I realised how confident the men would appear to be even when they just had ideas. On the contrary, even women with experience seemed to be nervous when it came to communicating with the media. Men seemed to be willing to promote their business and grab every opportunity that was presented to them. Women waited for the right time to come.

After a year I was interviewing CEOs for a national daily and I did not get the opportunity to interview even one single Nepali female CEO who was heading a commercial bank or multinational company. How would I? At that time there weren't any female in these powerful leading positions. This was two years ago and I would not be wrong if I said the situation is no better.

So where does the root of the problem lie? Even though the 21^st century is said to belong to women, why is there a dearth of women in positions of power?

Firstly, upbringing, society's norms, culture, gender roles and stereotypes has a significant impact on a woman's perception of leadership. Right from childhood girls are said to behave in a certain way. Girls are generally expected not to be too loud, they are supposed to be home on time and wear decent clothes. Further she is expected to contribute more in the household chores. 

In Nepali society women are encouraged to speak only when they are asked to and be as modest as possible. In this scenario it is difficult for most women to be extrovert and outspoken. I have come across women who are hardworking, dedicated and talented but they do not get opportunities or a major role and position in an organization due to lack of networking or extroversion.   

There is a list of rules for girls since the day she is born. In such an environment it is quite difficult for a girl to defy these rules and break the pattern. Recently one of my friends did not go for picnic because her husband did not allow her to go. There are many such examples. Family and society plays a key role in creating a leader so the support from these units is a must to foster women leadership.

Secondly, education and experience are other factors that make a leader. Nepal Living Standards Survey 2010-2011 (NLSS- III) had found out that Nepal has an adult literacy rate of 56.6 per cent with a huge variation between men and women. While male literacy rate is 71.6 per cent, it is only 44.5 per cent for women. Now without proper education, work experience trainings it is not possible for women to reach heights in their careers. 

Thirdly, effectiveness and reach of training for women empowerment and skills development plays a crucial role in women leadership. Every year especially in March, programmes are held, articles are written and commitments are made for women empowerment. But what is the impact of these glorious slogans on women issues chanted? Which group and strata of women has the panel discussions held in five star hotels of Kathmandu and social media movements reached? How effective has the leadership trainings especially designed in the name of women empowerment? 

The number, frequency and budget in the name of women empowerment have mounted in the past decade and it is a positive stride. But has it reached the women who are in the real need? Or are these programmes just a shiny feather in the fancy caps of people from influential and elite backgrounds?

For a modern Nepali woman there are numerous problems and its causes can be plenty. However, now is our time to work on ourselves and reach our heights in our careers and personal lives. Rather than dwelling on our problems it is time for us to seek solutions. 

The way forward

Just a few things you can start doing right away or encourage others to do:

1    Observe the world around and within

Observation skill is one of the most underestimated and highly effective skills that help one become a leader. Women should be aware of what is going in the world outside as well as the world inside.

"The highest honour on earth that you will ever have is the honour of being yourself. Your only true job as a human being is to discover why you are here." -Oprah Winfrey

Great leaders are socially responsible and work towards solving real-life adversities. They find opportunities even in problems. This is possible only if s/he pays attention to the world. 

2    Collaborate and network

Network with the right people and make the best use of it. Majority of the women fail to reach the top positions because they lack networking skills. Women should have strategic influence and should not waste too much time merely collecting business cards.

Networking with the right circle and collaborating is the key to women leadership.  

Attending events that are happening in town are a great source of finding and staying connected to the right network.

          Communicate efficiently

A manager who can communicate minute details of an event or the situation is likely to be promoted than one who is poor in communication skills. In today's world of technology it is quite learn how to communicate digitally to promote and maintain your personal brand. Employees fail to understand if the manager cannot give specific directions or instruction.

4    Celebrate womanhood

We don't have to change ourselves to be liked by people. Leadership is definitely not pleasing all the employees or stakeholders. We must accept ourselves for who we are and move ahead. It is time for us to March forward and celebrate our womanhood. 

Amazing experience of Judging National Speaking Championship

When I first saw the poster of 1^st National Speaking Championship (NSC), I was tempted to participate. I am passionate about presentations. Moreover, I feel expressing a strong content through captivating design and connecting to the audience is powerful. 

Once when I made a presentation (pecha kucha 20X20 format of presentation) about acid attack and violence against women, I saw a few women from the audience getting emotional and shedding tears. We could experience deep and deadly silence followed by sighs. 

Then I have the experience of doing a 'presentation karaoke' which is close to extempore. In this case I did not know what was there on the slide and I just had to come up and speak on the spot according to the slide. Here, I made up my own stories and it was hilarious. I experienced the audience were having a good time as they were laughing out loud. 

The same stage, the same presenter, different formats and content of presentations and completely different impact. All this was quite fascinating. I was making a meaning out of it. A presentation if delivered in the right way to the audience could create wave of emotions. A presentation can bring shift in the way someone's perception if there is a connection with content and if the visual aid is used in appropriate way. 

We can understand a person better through the way they make presentations, the topic they choose and body language and gestures they showcase. 

Due to this undying love for presentations or speaking I wanted to go for this competition. Further I relish being in a creative sphere and in the company of fellow presenters. This gives me energy and I open up. Whenever I am on a stage, any stage and there are people listening to me I feel thrilled. I do feel nervous initially but I really enjoy this feeling. Over the years, I have embraced my nervousness. I have accepted myself and my feelings. 

But I could not participate in this competition. Umes Shrestha Sir, Right-Brain at Empowerment Academy, independent wing of King's College who initiated NSC said, "People like us should not compete. You should either mentor or become a judge for National Speaking Championship." I felt honoured and accepted it as a role of responsibility to be a Judge for a national level competition. 

A part of my identity

In some way I want to be connected to presenting because it makes me happy and connected. Presentations have somehow become a part of my identity and I must preserve it. I like to express myself through writing and I feel I am somehow better at it. But presentations have a special place in my heart. I don't know what goes through a person's mind when they read my writings. But when I present I have a conversation with hundreds of people in the same time and the energy is different. 

Writing and presenting are like two different flavours of my favourite brand of ice-cream.

Judging it for the second time

In the preliminary rounds and we had to judge on the content and delivery. I remember there were some participants who were really smart and I observed the unique style of presenting.

Fortunately, even this year I got a chance to judge the competition. In the first round they were given a topic on the spot and the participants got only 30 seconds to think about it and they were supposed to speak for 3 minutes. 126 students had registered for the competition out of which 40 made it to the preliminary round and we had the responsibility to select only 10 out of these amazingly talented speakers. 

Except a few of them most of them spoke confidently and had the ability to create content on the spot and some were really creative as they used examples, metaphors and stories. A few started out great but could barely speak for a minute. 

I tried to be as fair as possible and made sure I did not favour a participant because I knew them before the competition. I realized that the audience connects to speakers who are real and not an imitation or imposter.

On March 10 this year we had the finale of 2^nd National Speaking Championship and we had not three but four winners. From this it is clear how tough the competition was, everyone there had the hunger, zeal and enthusiasm for presentations.

Glimpse of the winners

Back with a bang

Winner- Radip Tandukar, Lamjung Campus

Radip was among the top ten finalists in the 1^st National Speaking Championship. I witnessed his presentation in the last finale and he was hilarious and also had a significant message in his presentation. He was one of my personal favourites since the first competition.

He was back this year and he was back with a bang.

There was something quite special about him as he entered the room in the preliminary round. He seemed to be quite popular and friendly. He entered the room with two photographers in the preliminary round and even in the finale he was quite popular among the audience as he received more than 20 per cent votes which also helped him secure the People's choice award. And he completely deserved it.

His journey in the National Speaking Championship has been quite inspiring as he persevered and in his second attempt he finally won the National Speaking Championship. He did not only grab the title and Rs 75,000 cash prize but he also won our hearts with his witty and humorous presentations that had a strong message embedded to it.

Aced it

1^st Runners Up- Srija Shrestha, Ace Institute of Management

I got the chance to watch her presentation only in the Pecha Kucha round of the finale and she definitely aced it. She had original ideas and her gestures were to the point. Her slides were worth mentioning as well. After the presentation I had a quick chat with her and I got a sense of how amazing she is not as a presenter but also as a person.

Calm confidence

2^nd Runners Up- Prashansa Rimal, Kathmandu School of Law and Aparajita Jha, King's College

There was a tie in this position as the competition was quite tough. Both of them had a knack of presenting and connecting to the audience in a deeper level. After a long discussion we decided that both of them deserved this place.

Prashansa is one of the firm and confident presenters from the whole batch. I always believed that she was a tough competitor and would make it to the top three and I wasn't surprised when she did. She is a law student and that shows in her content. She gives a personal touch to the ideas and arguments she puts forward. During the finale there was power cut in the middle of her presentation. The audience started going in and out of the hall. Anyone in her position would get anxious. But a person's true self is seen not when everything is alright but when this are messed up. She took the potential drawback as her strength and came out much stronger than before which made her a winner.

Aparajita's presentation about failing to get the scholarship for medical entrance exams thrice gave everyone Goosebumps. Everyone has gone through failures in life and the audience could directly connect to what she wanted to share. Her final presentation was absolutely something to remember for a long time. She persisted and her story is an inspiration especially to the youth, who give up easily. She reinforced the notion, "Never give up".

(From top-left- Radip, Prashansa, Aparajita and Srija) (Photo: Empowerment Academy)

The Real Heroes 

Even though these four got the position in this competition there is no doubt that all the finalists and semi-finalists are speakers with great potential. This championship would not have been possible without the people who worked in the back end to give speakers a spotlight. Whatever reflected on stage on March 10 was a result of the hard work and passion of the duo Umes Shrestha, Abhisekh Maskey and the Unlearn tribe as well as everyone who supported and made this mega event happen.  The event was sponsored by Vespa, Redbull, and Jobs Dynamics.

From left to right: Zaffar Naik, Radip Tandukar, Umes Shrestha

At last…

Overall my experience of judging both the 1^st and 2^nd edition of National Speaking Championship was amazing. The Unlearn tribe, Empowerment Academy felt no less than home to me. I felt like I belonged. To have such a connection with a community is a rare thing for me and I shall treasure this memory for a lifetime. I am grateful to everyone whom I got connected to through National Speaking Championship.

Presenting certificates to the finalists.

Vagina Monologues 

 

A symphony of women's pains, pleasures, agony and despair  

Abhilasha Rayamajhi 

A theater performance was about to begin and there was an air of excitement among the audience who were waiting outside the hall. The audience for this show was different; old men in their sixties, young college students, women, foreigners and people from various walks of life were all gathered to witness Vagina Monologues 3.0 at Nepal Tourism Board (NTB), Bhrikutimandap on March 2.

Vagina Monologues was initiated by American playwright, performer, activist and feminist. In Nepal Akanchha Karki and Gunjan Dixit have facilitated and directed the performance. This is the third year of celebrating the stories of the most vital yet rarely talked about female part 'Vagina' in Nepal.

The entire show encompasses a wide array of emotions from humor to grief, stories of pain, loss, harassment and abuse as well as tales of pleasure, love and lust. The one and half hour of the drama is entertaining, informative, engaging and empowering.

14 phenomenal women dressed in powerful shades of black and pink are seated on the stage. The light is dim so the audience cannot see them clearly yet their presence can be distinguished. Initially three of them take the center stage and introduce their art stating that in the process of developing the show 200 women and girls have been interviewed regarding their views on sex, relationships, abuse and violence. 

Sarita Giri, a popular theatre artist is immersed in her role of a woman who never had an orgasm and expresses how relaxed she feels when someone wants to know about her vagina.  

An actor beautifully draped in pink sari tells that if you love your vagina you must also accept your pubic hair. She shares how her husband made her shave her pubic hair and then after that she felt quite disconnected to it as it looked puffed and swollen to her.

Then there are also some facts like "The clitoris is the only organ in our body with 8,000 nerve fibers solely designed for pleasure" that are shared in between the stories.

The performance was not just related to women's struggles and pleasures but violence faced by transgender women as well. 

A monologue from a woman who had a surprisingly unique experience with a man who seemed quite ordinary calmed down the tensed environment. Her act was fresh and like a cool breeze near a flowing river. 

Well known theater artist Pashupati Rai is remarkable and humorous throughout her performance. She plays the role of a woman who is quite angry because of the way vaginas are treated. In the opening of the drama she spreads laughter among the audience by listing the names vaginas are given along with other artists. 

After the humor, the stories of sexual violence at the time of war, child sexual abuse and domestic violence take center stage. These stories were an ode to the women who were courageous enough to speak up against violence and abuse. I could hear gasps and sighs in the silence of that dark hall as I wept listening to the heart wrenching experiences of an 8 month pregnant woman who was beaten up and tortured by her criminal husband.

To lighten up the mood of the audience appeared a sensual lady who made the audience say 'cunt' and took our breath through her act. 

Nazir Hussain ends the play by saying, "May I be a man whose confidence comes from the depth of my giving, who understands that vulnerability is my greatest strength…."

Overall the performance was a symphony of powerful and intimate stories of women. This is one powerful act that can make us laugh one moment and weep the next. Apart from a few technical glitches the show was a hit. 

To come out of the shell and discuss sexuality in Nepali society is quite bold and inspiring. Vagina Monologues has definitely kindled a conversation about the stigma attached with women's sexuality.  

Words from the actors and director

Vijaya Karki, shares, "Vagina Monologues is a celebration of sexuality. We want more male members to connect to it and accept it. "

Pashupati Rai, says, "This is my second year doing Vagina Monologues. Initially I felt quite awkward to openly discuss about women issues. "She adds, "But now I feel quite comfortable and my inner thought towards the feminine has strengthened. I feel more confident as a person after working on this play. "  

Pashupati Rai

"Simply talking about women's sexuality is also a taboo in our society. Initially when we started this project we faced a lot of controversies and online harassments," says Akanchha Karki, director of Vagina Monologues in Nepal. She recalls that many had tried to repress their voices and questioned their motives behind Vagina Monologues. However, they were persistent on their efforts and gradually more people started accepting their work. Her message to women and girls through this play is, "Don't be silent and speak up when violence happens."   

Akanchha Karki

If you haven't yet watched Vagina Monologues then there is no question of missing it this time. The show will be on till March 6 at Nepal Tourism Board, 5 pm (Saturday 1 pm as well). On March 8, the venue is Evoke Café and Bistro at 6

 pm.  

With actors Loonibha Tuladhar and Nazir Hussain

Cast

Gunjan Dixit

Sarita Giri

Renuka Karki

Kenipa Singh

Pashupati Rai

Srijana Subba

Nisha Karki

Shanti Giri

Smitaa Rajajram

Vijaya Karki

Binita Gurung

Loonibha Tuladhar

Srijana Adhikari

Akanchha Karki

Set Collaboration

Kala Limbu, Basun Rai

Poster Design

Ujala Shrestha

Photography

Niva Rajbangshi, Pramin Manandhar

Logistics

Che Shankar, Sudam C.K., Prathana Dixit

Sound Operator

Anup Neupane

Stage Manager

Anuja Adhikari

Technical Manager

Ingi Hopa Koinch Sunuwar

Playwright

Eve Ensler

Translation/Adaptation

Prateeksha Kattel, Sabhyata Timsina,Akanchha Karki and Gunjan Dixit

Facilitation/Direction

Akanchha Karki and Gunjan Dixit

  

To, The Universe With Love

Photo: squarespace.com

 

Dear Universe,

First of all, thank you for everything you have granted me. I am grateful to all the love that I receive from family, friends, loved ones and even complete strangers every day. I am thankful for the nature, the sun that rises every single day, the moon and its cycle, the green trees, the flowers, the mountains and the divine energy that makes creation and life possible. 

I am grateful for my good health and all the resources that are flowing abundantly and effortlessly in my life. You have blessed me so generously that there is nothing I can complain about.  

Life till now has been a smooth ride with a few twists and turns. I am also thankful to all the challenges I faced and the hurdles that are yet to come. 

I am in harmony with the fact that difficult times are also as significant as happy times. Our problems make us who we are; our scars remind us of our brave history and the fact that we have made it so far. 

We succeed not despite our difficulties but because of them. I would not get the recognition, awards and successes I have in my life if I hadn't failed. We hear many famous personalities taking about how their failures have acted as a ladder to their success. 

Malcolm Gladwell has talked about this in his book Outliers. Oprah Winfrey shares that there is no such thing as failure, it is just God's way of saying not this way and guide you to the next direction.

As the years pass I realize that it is true that there is no such thing as failure, it is how your mind perceives it. For instance, you get really low scores or fail in your exams then you have two choices either you consider yourself as a failure and waste a lot of time and energy on it, feel anxious and stressed out or you can embrace your pain, own it, learn from it and move on. 

The choice is yours.

So, it is very important to control my mind and not be controlled by it.   

The fears and hopes in me make me more human. I hope to receive everything with grace and acceptance with ease and calmness just like the plants receive sunlight and grow effortlessly. 

Universe, please give me the strength to walk my path with integrity. Give me the wisdom to accept the moment as if I had chosen it. Give me the power to live the truth and my calling. No matter what happens make me so powerful that I don't give up on myself and also on others. 

You are amazing the way you are. Thank you for blessing me with all I need and the better times that are yet to come. I am waiting to embrace them with love and an open heart. 

We are connected. I am within you and you are in me. 

Thank you for always being so kind to me. 

Yours Sincerely,

Abhilasha 

(ONE)

 The story of 2015

One of the things that I like to do is reflect upon and document my life. We all have stories to share, we all are stories in ourselves.  Our stories are worth remembering and worth sharing. We achieve what we want then that is great. But if we don't then there is something bigger and better for us or may be there is something right for us.

I found this video in my archives from 2015 so I thought of sharing it here in my blog.

A Go-getter's year Review

The 22^nd year of my life was full of achievements, travel, learning, reflections and moving on. In the beginning of the year I made one of my dreams come true. I always wanted to secure 4.0 GPA in BBA since I joined the course. Finally in the 8^th semester I did it. It felt like hitting the bull’s eye. I don’t think GPA reflects my intelligence or makes me a better person or student but accomplishing my goal feels great.

Many people have this concept that when you are involved in a full time job and extra-curricular activities you miss out on your studies. But I know for sure that applying your classroom learning at work and sharing your work experiences at class is quite beneficial.

Honestly, it was not at all fun at times to wake up at two in the morning to prepare for exams, complete assignments and project works and balance a full time job as a journalist for a leading national daily and host a Radio Talk show. But it was all worthwhile. I graduated as the ‘Best Graduating Student’.

( This one is for my parents, teachers, mentors, friends and everyone who has helped me. Would not be possible without you, really. )

Then I also got an opportunity experience and write about Bungy jumping at The Last Resort. I did the Tandem swing. It was a life time experience. Swinging just above the wild Bhotekoshi River and having the golden rays of sunshine on my face made me realize how beautiful this world is.

(The most adventurous moment of my entire life..many more to come, please stay tuned! Thank you Aman Dai and The Last Resort)

After that success, I went for an exciting and memorable college tour to India. Gazing at the setting sun at the Marine drive in Mumbai, parasailing and singing karaoke in Goa, shopping and meeting my cousin in Delhi and exploring the majestic beauty of Jaipur with my friends will always be cherished. I did not get much time to travel with my friends during the four years so I enjoyed India tour to the fullest without worrying about anything and living every bit of it.

Well, the year just about successes. I tried learning swimming but on the first day of training itself I got allergies and rashes all over my body. Even though I tried doing it for two more days, I was not afraid of water and picked up the instructions well but the allergies got worse and I couldn’t continue. I have learnt that not everything is meant for me in life and I must sometimes let go. My body has some limitations and I should accept and respect it.
I also went for bike rides around the valley. One of the most memorable one was the ride to Kakani, we meditated for a while in Osho Tapoban and enjoyed eating trout fish. The hills looked mesmerizing while on the way back home. The sky was full of twinkling stars and the city brightened up with all the glowing lights.

Beautiful view from Kakani

2016 was also a year full of learning and work. I interviewed young entrepreneurs and wrote lead stories focusing on tourism issues for the English national daily. I also coordinated with other writers/contributors and learnt basic editing skills. Further, I also attended a workshop on Journalism, writing and power point presentations. I tried my best to become a better journalist/writer and a presenter this year.

Interview with Dr Dee Aker, Advisor for Strategic Peacebuilding, University of San Diego, USA

I left my job at a point where I was about to get a raise and promotion. I did not have any better offer that attracted me to leave the work as a full time journalist in one of the leading media houses. I just followed my intuition. I reached a point where I felt like I need to learn and grow more. I need to educate myself to do my work better. I need to understand and explore myself before being committed to anything in my career. I just moved on and there is nothing that can stop you when you have the determination to move forward in life. I have no regrets for the choice I made at this point of my life. I am grateful to the organization, seniors and juniors for helping me learn and develop life skills.
A new chapter of my life began after that. I represented Nepal in “5^th International Buddhist Conclave” where there were delegates from around 40 countries were present. This was a life changing event for me in my life. I witnessed spiritual aarati in the Ghats of Varanasi, observed the holy place Saranath where Buddha gave his first sermon, visited the Mahabodhi temple and meditated under the Bodhi tree where Buddha attained enlightenment and stepped on many other spiritual sites. All of these events and networking with professionals, government officials and delegates from around the world broadened the horizon of my mind. It made me more perceptive.

The International Buddhist Conclave

With  Ranjit Rae, Ambassador of India to Nepal and other delegates for International Buddhist Conclave, at the Indian Embassy

This year I hosted an international event, ‘Nepal Africa Film Festival’ in Kathmandu and Bipul Chettri’s concert in Itahari. I met some really amazing people at these events and I believe every person we meet and every incident in our life has a purpose and significance.

Sharing my story at the Story Yellers

 Hosting Bipul Chetri’s Concert, Itahari

Apart from this I spoke at the Story Yellers where I shared my learning at Bourgandi Children home where I volunteered during my undergrad days. I was the Moderator at the First ever Women’s Entrepreneurship Day in Nepal, presented at Presidential college in the program ‘Am I weird?’, Judged national speaking championship, attended Nepathya concert for the first time, learnt how to drive a car.
Moreover, I started something profound this year. I started teaching and training school and college students. I conducted workshops for students at various business schools on writing, presentation and public speaking skills. And I got an opportunity to work with a school to help students write better. I am learning more when I am helping others learn and develop new skills. I am highly motivated and I wish to continue this endeavor.

Last week I visited three different colleges to promote a marathon for breast cancer awareness. Further, I ran, jogged, walked and completed 10 kms in the Pinkathon marathon. My intention to run this marathon was to encourage myself and other people to stay healthy and happy.  I am not running a race. I am paving my way to a unique and creative journey.
When I look back and reflect on my life so far I feel blessed that I have not stopped. No matter what I happened I have followed my intuition and moved on. But I did have some pauses in between, some confusions and disappointments. In these moments of despair, I have been my own best friend. I have talked to my own self in silence. I have consoled and comforted myself. Now I feel really happy when I am at the end of the day and I enter my room and I am alone.
Overall, 22 was a year that made me wiser and more compassionate. I truly feel blessed for I have this power to express myself and in this process I can be connected to people I have never met. As I embark a new year in my life I express gratitude to each and every being that have entered my life. Without you my journey is not possible. Let’s walk together, or let’s meet again at another junction of life.
I can already feel that 23 will be a dream year with more travel and learning, love and happiness. We all have the capacity to fulfill our dreams and help others in their journey. I hope we harness this power in whatever way we can.